Just Sit Still

Have you ever realized that the busyness of our lives can be a wall? That it can be a security blanket or shield or whatever else you want to call it? I feel as if someone must have told me this along the way somewhere in life, but it never really hit me until just today. I really don't know what to do with myself when I am not busy.

A friend of mine went to Africa last year, and has tried to explain to me what it feels like to have hours to spend with God, soaking up His creation and having no other commitments than simply building relationships, reveling in life and admiring the breath-stealing creation God has placed around us. I remember telling her how jealous I was, how much I would love to know what that felt like in my own life, but I didn't think much deeper than that.

This week I have three days with no classes, and the days which I do have class are minimal in the amount of work I need to turn in. It seems like this moment would be something to make me jump up and down and simply rejoice in, considering I've been asking God for this mini-vacation for so incredibly long now. But when I looked at my schedule yesterday afternoon and saw nothing recorded for the next two days, I have to admit a little bashfully- I felt slightly anxious. The thoughts began running through my head- What if I really take that time to rest and then I can't get back on track? What if I look back on these few days and realize how much work I could have done instead of being lazy? What if I spend my time wastefully, instead of being productive? What if I miss this chance to be more like whats-her-name?
It might seem ridiculous, but I didn't feel free. I felt vulnerable.

By nature my personality has always thrived on being busy. I've rejoiced in checking things off to-do lists and being successful, but haven't always striven to work as if for the Lord. 
"So no matter what your task is, work hard. Always do your best as the Lord's servant, not as man's, because you know your reward is the Lord's inheritance. You serve the Lord, the Anointed One." Col. 3:23-24 (The Voice)

 I guess when I hear that verse, I usually think of spending every last ounce of energy to make sure I meet some kind of mark. And then when whatever success I have reached is not "everything I could have done" or achieved, I feel as if I have let my Savior down. What a blatant lie this is! My God is not held up or let down by the things I see as successes or failures. He doesn't need me for that. He doesn't need my busy schedule. Or my "connections" to the right people and places. He doesn't need my standing among my peers or rapport with my professors. I don't have to be successful in any way to make Him proud of me. My Savior rejoices in my stillness.
"Be still, be calm, see, and understand I am the True God. I am honored among all the nations. I am honored over all the earth."-Psalm 46:10(The Voice)

There is a false security and safety net that I have found in the center of being busy. I recognize now why my God gave me a period of rest- not simply so I could continue on being so busy, but so I could remember how important it is to rest. I believe He called me to a few days of rest not so I could be more comfortable, but so that I could recognize my own discomfort. My source of security and worth which wasn't Him. He called me to rest so that I could actually wake up.

Wherever this day finds you, whether you're caught in a whirlwind of comparison, silent competition, or wrapped in the middle of a margin-less life, I pray that you would choose the time to pause. Not just another check on that list of yours. Not a way you can be more successful. But a way that you can stop and see your need for something deeper. Let yourself be vulnerable in a way which I have struggled to. Choose. To. Just. Sit. Still. 

May we find the courage to rest, and the humility to be still. In Jesus' strength.