Invested Hope

I think it is finally time for me to sit down and write about what God is up to again in this woman's life. He has been blowing my mind lately, but I've been waiting for His gentle, peaceful nudge in order to share the amazing story with you. So here goes, it's story time...

You might have known already that I am at a new University this fall semester. I had been a student at a small liberal arts college out in Rochester and transferred to Binghamton because I believed God wanted me to pursue a nursing degree. So here I am, a new student, in a new place, with a clean, smooth start...almost.
When I arrived on campus a few weeks ago to register for classes, I was blindsided by a miscommunication error- I had been informed over the summer that I had two pre-requisite courses to complete before I could begin nursing classes, otherwise the program would require me to wait a whole extra year! So during the month of August I had scrambled to get those two courses completed and managed to make it through with only a feww mental breakdowns. In spite of all my efforts however, that day I was told I needed a third mandatory courses completed before classes started. At that point there was literally no way for me to complete the third course in 3 days time.
"You'll have to submit a petition to see if you could rush through an online course in the next few weeks.." I was told. "But I really don't think they will let this course slide like that..." My odds did not sound optimistic.
But I submitted the petition anyways, and waited. Four days later, I received an email informing me that my petition had been denied. "What is going on God?"  I began to wonder. "You couldn't have let me come this far, only to have a door shut in my face, right?" But in the midst of the confusion, I thought back to other obstacles I had faced in the last year leading up to this transition. This pre-requisite problem was not the first miscommunication, and each time before, I knew God had opened the door and made a way for me to keep going.  Multiple times I had hit a bump in the road and had freaked out, worried an embarrassing amount, and then God had shown Himself and nudged the door back open. This time, I decided I would not waste energy worrying- I was going to choose to trust that the entire situation and everyone involved was in His hands. No matter what happened it would be His will, and I was going to choose to see the good in that.
At the bottom of the email saying my petition was denied there was a statement that I could appeal to the Dean of the school if I so desired. Well duh, of course I would do that. If only I could explain my story to someone in power then the situation could be cleared up. I went in for my meeting hopeful, but unfortunately, although the Dean was extremely polite and sorry for the miscommunication, she denied my appeal as well. Strike three.
Now I was devastated. For the first time in 6 days I cried...hard. I was so heartbroken and hurt and confused...why would something like this happen? I called my parents, who had been praying fervently, and tried to get the information out through my painful tears. I wasn't hurt because of the possibility that God's will was sending me in a different direction- I was broken because I still believed I was doing the right thing, and couldn't understand how I had misunderstood so completely. If God's will was for me to be doing something else for a year, why hadn't He simply let me know earlier, or some other way? I had believed wholeheartedly that I was on the right track. I had invested hundreds of hours and dollars and moments of stress in order to follow that path. As far as I knew, my God wasn't about blindsiding His children like that. It just didn't feel right. As I was talking to my Dad on the phone, wiping tears away as rapidly as a high-speed windshield blade, he said to me "You believed this was what God wanted you to pursue, right? And so did your whole family and all of your close friends..." And I responded in a whisper- "I know Dad...but what if we were wrong?"
I was okay with being wrong. Really. What I wasn't okay with was God not making my wrong-ness clear. Not even a little. The possibility really hurt.
I had been told I had one more appeal allotted to me. I could appeal to the University Provost, who for any of you who don't know is basically one step below the college president. You know, the boss of all the Deans, office on the seventh floor...in charge of 15,000 students. Yeah no big deal. It seemed like the crack in this barely opened door was getting smaller and smaller. It seemed impossible, and while I still believed my God could fling that door wide open if He wanted to, it also didn't really seem like He planned on doing that anymore. It seemed like I needed to be okay with the ending, whatever was going to come.
I called the office of the Provost, explained my story to the secretary, and she told me Mr. Provost Sir would be back in touch with me as absolutely soon as possible.
Then I waited two days.
They were really long days.
By the end of the second day I had called around five times with no response, and I had decided to pack up my belongings from the house I was staying in to be ready to drive home. It wasn't that I didn't think God could open the door. It was that I was ready to trust whatever it was He had planned for the next year. Like Abraham headed up the mountain with his son Issac, I didn't know what God intended to do, but I was going to trust Him no matter how badly it hurt.
Still no response from the school by dinnertime, so I left. Really left. I began driving home, and as I drove the tears began to fall for the second time. I imagined trying to explain this story back home which made no sense to me, let alone to the people I would tell it to. I imagined the confusion and the compassion in their eyes and yet couldn't imagine the good in it just yet. On the interstate I hit a massive rainstorm, and the resounding thought in my head was, "sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes life doesn't make sense". Again and again. As that thought circled I hit a scary amount of flooding on the road and thankfully made it to the other side of the rushing water just as the sun began to break through. That's when a new thought provided an end to the previous one- "...but the storm never lasts forever." 
I kept driving, with a sliver of fresh hope, when my phone rang. It was the Vice Provost. He had called to tell me he had been looking into my case all day long, talking to and even visiting most of the directors of the nursing program about my dilemma. And after all of his research, he had decided to give me a chance. A chance to complete my pre-requisite course before September 27th, and to continue on in the 2013 program.
Holy impossibility.
I was baffled, and shocked, and intimidated. Is this for real?  My injured hopes wondered. Am I allowed to go after this again? I called my family for some pinch on the arm, that this was really happening after all...and it really was.

With renewed determination and a powerful knowledge that my God truly does want me here after all, in the past 7 days I have blasted through more than 2/3 of a 24 week course. I am still just as intimidated, and know I am no superwoman, but goodness gracious if I know my God opened the most impossible of doors to allow me to be here, then I am going to take hold of this chance with every ounce of who I am. 

I am blessed beyond measure. My God has not and will not let me fall. As it says in Psalm 147:10-11,
"[God] takes no pleasure in the raw strength of horses; 

He finds no joy in the speed of the sprinter.
But the Eternal does take pleasure in those who worship Him,
those who invest hope in His unfailing love." Psalm 147:10-11
Hope invested in Christ is never hope wasted. Sometimes bad things happen. Yeah. But the storm isn't going to last forever, and maybe God is busy setting an impossible stage for a bigger production than we ever imagined. If He calls you to something, keep walking up that mountain and trust He will make it happen. Tears are okay, doubts are okay too. But whatever you do, may you know that following Him with everything you are is never, ever a waste.

p.s. if you still have time after all that reading, here's another story about God and "impossibilites":

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges%206&version=VOICE 
My story is by no means the first, and it won't be the last:)